The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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