Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
