Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
