OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
