Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
