you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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