Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
