Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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