i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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