All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
