Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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