apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
