Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
