I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
