by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Every concussion has its silver lining
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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