I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
