We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
