We need to rekindle our bromance
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
