Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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