Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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