You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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