maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
