you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
