yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
