you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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