Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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