well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
