i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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