honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
