i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
