let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
