And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
