At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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