oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
