Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
