After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
