I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
