I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize