Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
