I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
