While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
