i barfeds in our rink
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
