It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
