can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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