I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
