just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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