She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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