hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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