plz talk dirty to me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
