She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
