o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
