i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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