We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
