I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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