Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
