I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
