i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
