just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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