i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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