giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
