Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dicks are not precious.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
