Me too!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
