Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
