TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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