For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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