I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
