Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
