What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
