i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
