I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
