And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
