I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
