then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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