Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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