he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
