Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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