I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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