U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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