Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize