i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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