i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
