My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Your penis caused this!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
