my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
