She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize